Today, I’m going to try an experiment – The art of war mixed with this wonderful curse called marriage. Let’s see how this works out.
In war, you need both tactics and strategy to win. The short version is planning ahead, know what you’re going up against, and have alternate routes as necessary.
In marriage, getting married for the wrong reasons will end in divorce, or worse. You have to know who you’re getting married to, know the in’s and out’s of each other, and plan accordingly; otherwise it will not work out.
The root problem in all marriage is lack of communication, poor planning, and letting people in your personal lives. What would be the tactic and strategy?
Strategy – financial planning, communication, setting relationship expectations, and limited influence from outside sources.
Tactics – how to apply the above. How to plan for the future; how to communicate where it doesn’t end up as an argument/debate; setting relationship expectations before getting together; and who’s allowed to be included in personal matters to help solve a conflict.
Sounds easy right? Then why aren’t enough people doing these?
In war – pick the battles you know you will win, not ones you think you will win. Also, know what your limits are.
In marriage – if one person want’s to start drama, first ignore it. I know it sounds silly/stupid but hear me out – 99% of the time, how often do people speak noise just for attention? Think about it for a minute; you’re having a good day, and your other half comes up with some irrelevant situation to sour the mood. To make matters worse, they blame you for no reason outside not taking responsibility.
If you absolutely, cannot avoid confrontation; let the other one vent/talk, all you do is listen. And not half pay attention either, but actually listen for clues and key words used, then later ask questions to reiterate what their main issue(s) is/are. This way, if they are being petty they will see it later and actually make efforts to correct themselves.
In war – this co-insides with the quote “if you know the enemy, and yourself, you needn’t fear the result of 100 battles.”
In marriage – a perfect way to know what your partner is capable of, is to go through a tough moment. Now keep in mind make sure to have a failsafe in case there’s signs of illegal and/or illgotten actions. What you’re doing is verifying what the person says initially, they can back up their talk. Otherwise, they aren’t the person you need to be with. Example – a health issue. If you’re sick, ask the person to take care of you; this will test their patience as well as their behavior for when you need something.
In war – the best way to defeat your enemy is to not fight at all. Use tactics, logic, traps, and intelligence. Just brute force will not win the fight.
In marriage – this is more based on outside sources rather than the relationship itself. At times you will face someone toxic that will put the relationship in a negative situation – it’s your job, together, to find tactical, strategic ways to get the toxic environment out so the relationship can continue on. Best example are jealous people. Let them run their mouth because all they’re doing is speaking noise. Without evidence, proof, and/or some sort of reasoning, the toxic will be removed. The relationship should instead work together, have their traps, ideas, and logic be their weapons – not mouthing back, physical contact, etc. This way the toxic environment will have no choice but to give up and leave.
Today’s posting is written to prove a valid point – just because I don’t believe in marriage, doesn’t mean I still can’t provide advice to those who are legit, happily together. The second point is to prove The Art of War is not only a book on warfare, it’s a book on living.