Sorry, you are my type

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“You’re just a friend to me.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t see us being together.”

“What does s/he have that I don’t?”

“Why can’t I find someone?! What’s wrong with me?!”

“Maybe I should change my sexual preferences to X and/or Y.”

“Sorry, I only date X.”

“Ewwwww. You’re into X and Y! Get away from me freak!”

“OMG you’re a trans! I’m not gay!”

“I want someone who does/n’t want kids. Sorry”

If you’ve ever been with someone, or at least tried to date, one of these lines will sound familiar. If you’re single, use this time as an advantage over being sad, lonely, and hopeless. Use this time as a way to build yourself up more, and to achieve your goals in life. Just because your family and/or friends are in a relationship, doesn’t mean you have to be. Use this time to prove you can succeed just as much as the person next to you who has a partner. If you’re with someone, congrats, and keep working on the relationship to make it strong and long-lasting. Make the relationship other people will be jealous over. Remember, respect each others’ decision because at the end of the day, being single and/or dating is still a choice.

With Valentines day being heavily commercialized (and not far from time of posting), what can you really do on this day you can’t do any other day of the year? What does Valentines day mean to you? Some would debate various reasons (special day to be with the one you love, dedicated day to spend with your significant other or s/o, and other activities); however, I ask again, “what can you really do this day/time that you can’t do any other day?”

As far as the why you’re single, ask yourself this: What are you really upset over? The wo/men you like find you unattractive? Different hobbies? Family and/or friend influence? Time management? Unrealistic expectations? Desperation to just find anything? The wo/men in your area just plain suck? Lack of similar interests? In order to really know why you’re upset, you first need to know what’s actually wrong with your part of the dating scene. I hear so many people (mostly women, sorry ladies) complain about being single, yet there’s no actual substance to their reason(s). Ninety nine percent of the time it’s always some sort of list of why they’re upset over being single, but no actual reasoning outside to just complain about it.

“You’re just a friend.” This one is the basic “I can’t think of anything so here you go” excuse. A real person would want to date their friends so it’s less headache, and an actual, long-lasting relationship. Isn’t dating basically friends spending intimate time together? Or am I wrong? The couples who’ve been together in decades, don’t they consider themselves best friends? Keep in mind I’m not referring to all friends, just the ones you know deep down inside fit your criteria, yet you still say no just to say no. The “you’re like a brother/sister to me” also fits in this category because it means you developed a bond that can’t be broken by mere petty arguments. It doesn’t mean you’re into incest; it means you created an unbreakable bond. So why limit yourself just because someone else did?

“Because my parent(s) wants grandchildren.” If you want children, by all means have them when you’re ready, not because your parents and/or friend pressure you because they have/had kids. You’re the parent, not them. If you don’t want kids, be stern, truthful, and upfront about the subject. The right people won’t judge, and will respect your decision. There’s a reason why options exist between wanting and not wanting children. Using religion as a reason for children is also not right; since there’s couples out there who can’t biologically have children, and using beliefs as a weapon is only going to make you look bad at the end. Adoption is one form of raising a family, and yes it is available to those who aren’t able to reproduce.

“I can’t find someone who’s into X and Y like I am.” This one is a tricky topic because I also fall into this category with certain activities I’m into. The one thing to keep in mind is if you find someone who fits the same desires/hobbies you’re into (or at least is willing to tolerate/experiment), you’re golden. Where did you look? When did you try communicating with these people? If this person doesn’t work out, how will you manage until you find someone else? Are you able to compromise (I’ll do X if you do Y)?

“I don’t want to date a trans! That’s nasty!” Here’s my first question; before the person in question said anything, were you observant to actually notice certain areas that seemed off/different? If yes, you lose all right to complain because your inner curiosity kicked in first. You should be more careful, otherwise you will send off a bad signal which can lead to problems in the future, and/or setup false expectations. Your curiosity wanted to get to know someone first, instead of just going off what society in general says (Which is get away from me you freak!) If you answer no, then the change was done professionally, and you need to know the person on the inside before judging if they’re the one for you or not. After talking with a few trans people (on both sides), the majority switched sides because they don’t like the behavior of the opposite gender; so they’re making a point of what wo/men really want from a person instead of what society (and the media) claims. If the trans don’t make a big deal out of their choice, why should you? In most cases they keep the operation quiet because they don’t want someone judging them based on the past, and the “you lied to me!” comes out of the others’ mouth. Well, what did they lie about? Did you ask them about the past? Did they answer with “I was a different person back then,” because if they did, they didn’t lie. They might not have told the entire story, but they didn’t lie. Maybe if you asked the right questions, this phrase wouldn’t have existed. Asking to be more clear is not a sign of disrespect, it’s you wanting to know someone before going further in the relationship. There’s a big difference between “So where you a wo/man?” and “Can you elaborate more since I don’t understand what you mean?” If you really think about it, would you rather date a trans who fits all you’re needs (and able to put 100% into the relationship), or date the natural wo/man who hates 99% of what you’re into (and the relationship ends up being one-sided)? The “I’ll look elsewhere” isn’t an acceptable answer because the exact same situation will appear when you least expect it. Too many times people swear the past isn’t an issue; yet as soon as someone says they went on the operating table, the past is a big flag for not wanting to date that person.

“What’s wrong with me?! Why can’t I find someone?” Ask yourself these questions: Where have you looked? What are your requirements to even consider someone dating material? What are all your options into what you will and won’t do if you’re with someone? Are the people you’re attracted to actually your type or are you just wanting to date anyone to not be alone? I’ve heard countless stories of women (sorry ladies) having too high of expectations, and complain at the same time they can’t find someone. When asked, “have you thought about changing your expectations?” not lowering, but changing (which there is a difference), first response is always “I’m not lowering myself. I’d rather stay single the rest of my life.” Then they go on social media complaining because they can’t find someone. I don’t notice as many men falling into this category; not because society says men are easier, because what we (yes I’m a male) want can be compromised through conversation.

“X person is Y years different than I am. It’s like I’m dating my mom/dad!” This one makes no sense at the end of the day because you’re only limiting your own happiness based off some unwritten rule someone came up with to control society. Apparently there’s some rule of taking your age, half it, add 7, and that’s the age range you should date. Who came up with this rule? Why is this math problem even a thing? Is there some law that says an adult can’t date another adult (notice I said adult, not underage)? If a couple has a big age gap, yet they’ve been together for 20+ years, why take that away from them? Why make fun of someone who’s 18 dating a 40 year old? Where do you come in on all this? What’s it your business if adults are dating outside some math problem? All I hear is “Find someone your age,” and it’s always the ones who aren’t happy in their current relationship. I also like the “I found someone my age, you can to!” Well, did you ever ask the other person what their interests are? Maybe they had to go outside their age range to find someone who fits their wants/needs that someone their own age can’t fulfill? Aren’t women (sorry again ladies) taught to be with a person who has their priorities in line? So why date within their age range if they’re taught to date someone who has their act together? Which is it? Date someone who has their act together or date someone who’s within their age range? Can’t always have both.

I know I’m just one person, however this is one perspective of what I hear and read on a daily basis, and I hear all of this in third person. I’m not mad, upset, or even trying to change minds; I’m speaking on behalf of those who get tired of hearing/reading the same lines of “I can’t find someone” yet the complainers have little to no substance behind their complaining. To those complaining about being single, you would be surprised of how being open-minded will work in your favor. Speak from experience, not from fear of something you haven’t even tried. Don’t let your family/friends influence you in your decisions on dating – because you’re the one going home to the person at night, not them. If you had a rough past, use the past as something to learn from, and move on. Some situations may be harder to bypass than others, and being open and truthful will carry more weight than just “I don’t want to, OK?!” If you’re the single friend (like me), enjoy your freedom; for it won’t last forever when the right person appears. They will make an offer you can’t refuse, at the same time, this is the long-term person you will be with. If you take nothing else from this post, keep this in mind – respect each others decisions and way of life. If their lifestyle is within legal reason, and not involving you in any way/shape/form, stay out of it.


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